628.8

     I've pointed patients to the outpatient lab hundreds of times, but I had never actually been there myself  until that day a few months ago. I sat in my own hospital, a place I had called home for many years,  twirling  a small script paper signed by my doctor with the code 628.8. I didn't know exactly what that code meant, I didn't need to. I knew what it meant to us. It meant my husband and I needed to close one chapter of our lives, and nervously prepare for the next. 628.8- infertility, female, of  specified origin. 

     Six words that will remain in my medical chart and in my heart for a lifetime. We knew there was a chance we would face fertility issues after we had Hannah- but I'd be lying to you if I told you that my heart really, really believed we wouldn't. We had this perfect little girl, and uncomplicated pregnancy, and what seemed like a million stories of couples who, like us, struggled at first, but ended up having several more children with ease. In fact, I believed it so much, that when my OB/GYN ordered repeat testing at my one year follow-up "just to see" I barely thought twice about the tests- Until I saw her number on my phone and heard her say  "significantly worse".  I cried for days. We told only our closest family and prayed for a miracle. 

     Fast forward to a few weeks later, we sat in a small room meeting our lovely fertility team for the first time.  Dr. B.- A Havard trained, former Ohio State football player, whose tough guy appearance can't mask the passion and love he has for his vocation. And his charming and encouraging nurse who some how always knows just the right thing to say. I wouldn't wish this path on my worst enemy, but leaving that day wasn't dreadful or sad. It was hopeful and exciting. My tears dried and I was starting to see a little light shine through that door that had been closed in my face a few weeks earlier.  He confirmed what we needed to hear and I'll hear those words every time I look at my daughter. "I'll never tell someone in your situation that you can't have children naturally. What I will tell you is that you were very fortunate to have had Hananh without help, and I don't want you to sit around waiting for that fortune to strike again." Dr. B confirmed two things for us-  1) We needed a new plan and 2) Hannah wasn't a lucky draw, she was our tiny miracle. Our daughter. Fortune- maybe?  Or, most certainly, a divine act of God telling us not to give up. Not then and not now. 

     And so we wait for our next miracle. Maybe she/he will come a different way, but a miracle none the less. 

Covered Bridge 2015

         The Covered Bridge Festival is one of my favorite fall traditions. It's an early morning road trip to the middle of nowhere, where fall colors cover the landscape and covered bridges become a reality- a yearly reminder as to why we live in the Midwest. The food is abundment and the crafts, antiques can be a goldmine or a bust. But what I really love is the time with family. It's a whole day after the craziness of summer and before the busy holidays to soak in each other. A day to remind us that even though we have tiny families of our own, we really are at our best when we're together.  In years past, we've rented a big church van and piled all of us in, but since most of my family works weekends, not all of us can go every year. This year was a special treat, as we got to go with my husband's side of the family too. I  know not a lot people can say this (and cheers to those who can) but my in laws are simply magnificent! Thank you, Parke County for hostimg tens of thousands of people, but most importantly, thank you for hosting us. We'll see you and your ham and cheese sandwiches next year!

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Erythema Multiforme

      Back in July, Hannah and I were playing on the floor when I noticed a few little hives on her arm. We had just finished a breakfast of eggs and strawberries (two very high allergens), but nothing she hadn't had before. Knowing well that an allergic reaction comes after one or several introductions to the allergen itself, I grabbed some Benadryl, kept a close eye on her, and told Justin to hold on eggs and strawberries until we saw the pediatrician. No big deal, I got this right? 

     I waited for the hives to go away, but they didn't. In fact, they continued to get worse. Ten hours later, the Benadryl wasn't working and Hannah's trunk was nearly covered. By 9pm, we were packing her into the car and on our way to the ER. Terrified for Hannah and, admittedly, for the repercussion of taking your daughter to the ED for a "rash"- there we were. Thankfully, one of the doctors I have long worked with in the Adult ED (who is also board certified in pediatric emergency medicine) was there and so was my awesome sister. Almost immediately, Dr. W. diagnosed Hannah with Erythema Multiforme- an autoimmune response to a viral or environmental factor that causes Bullseye-like lesions across the skin.  It is also the preliminary rash to Steven Johnson's syndrome, a disease process that took the life of my aunt and godmother at 36. My heart sunk when the doctor told us this. I glanced over at my sister and without, speaking a word, I could tell she was thinking the same thing. These are the times on my my life I count my blessing to be in healthcare. These are also the times I'm grateful most of my family is in healthcare. My parents and sister all took one for the team. Offering to watch Hannah while I worked, taking turns calling our pediatrician and pediatrician friends for advice. It lasted weeks, and when I wasn't there for Hannah, someone was. The first time Leo, Hannah's 5 year old cousin, saw her he woke up his brothers saying "somethings very very wrong. Hannah's sick, like really sick" and he was right. She was swollen from the steroids, drowsy from the Benadryl, and overall spent. But, We got through it. Hannah still has flare ups occasionally and they said to expect them for a year or so, but you know what I've learned?

1) No matter how seasoned you are in your own field of healthcare, when it comes to your children you lose the ability to reason. 

2) I have a really great family. 

3) I have really great coworkers. 

4) We are incredibly blessed to have a healthy baby. There was a fear in me that this was the beginning of something terrible and all I could think about was how much I took for granted having a healthy child for the first year. Sure, her flare ups are annoying, but they go away. And she's happy, really really happy. And so are we.