Nov 9, 2014

I'm finding my balance. 

I'm not losing myself in motherhood...I'm redefining myself.

 I'm not who I used to be, and that's okay.

 I'm learning. I'm growing and I'm becoming a better version of myself along the way. 

Whew...

When I started this blog, I PROMISED myself I would keep up on it, and well, I failed in the last month. I know there are no excuses, but life got busy. On the heels of mandatory overtime at work, a very active little girl, and everything else, the blog fell to the wayside. But I'm back!! And here's what's happened since we last "talked".

Hannah got baptized. In the same church where Justin and I got married, by the same priest and with her cousin and our Goddaughter by her side. It was a wonderful day. We had a house packed full of family- a beautiful reminder of how blessed we are.

We had the first "Hatcher Cousin Camping trip" to Deem Lake! We all know camping isn't really my thing, but this was a lot of fun. The kids had a blast and the adults laughed until we cried in an intense game of "Cards Against Humanity" Note: Adam Walden, does not play fair. 

Hannah and I got to visit Leo at school for "Muffins with Mom". Since Catie had to work, Leo and I, more appropriately named it "Breakfast with Babes".

We had our first picnic in the park. I picked up my favorite salad, turned on Blake Shelton's Pandora station, laid out a blanket out and soaked in the sun and each other and it was awesome. 

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Every year, my family makes the trek to Parke County for the Covered Bridge Festival. Last year, we had just found out we were pregnant, but this year, our sweet addition got to formally attend. The ham and beans, grilled ham and cheese, apple dumplings, and Amish pretzels were all worth it- they  always are. 

And I think we are officially up to date. More posts to come, I'm off for a few days! 

The Glass is Half Full

Her bags are packed, medical consents are signed, and the tiny schedule of her daily activities is printed off. It's come time to say good-bye to my morning snuggles, my endless hours of staring at her, and (let's be honest) my Pinterest browsing, Bravo-watching way of life I've know for the past twelve weeks. Maternity leave is over. [insert tears] But I'm trying very hard to keep my positive outlook on why this will ultimately be okay.
1) Hannah gets to spend time with her Aunt Willa (my beloved and very trustworthy sister). If you're wondering why we call her "Willa", I have no idea, but if you find out let me know. Back to the topic. Hannah will still get her morning snuggles, she'll still be sung to several times a day,  and she will be so very, very loved there. My nephews are excited that "Baby Hannah will finally be THEIR baby" I suspect there will be a day when Hannah doesn't want to come home from Willa's. 
2) Justin will get the chance to learn Hannah too. From the moment Hannah was born, Justin's been a great father and so smitten by his little girl, but with Hannah nursing exclusively, we've really had the bonding moments. This will be their chance to get to know each other.
3) I have a reason to wear a bra for longer than 2 hours. 
4) It's only three days a week. The added bonus of a nurses' schedule. 
4) I went to school for a long time to do what I do. And while it's a love/hate relationship with about 80% of it being hate, I do love being a nurse.  And I'm pretty good at it. Not excellent, but good. 
5) I get to have adult interaction. Even if some of my interactions are with less than happy family members and puking patients, I still get to talk like an adult. 
6) My evenings will be 1 million times sweeter when I get to see my little red-headed beauty at the end of the day. Her perfect smile and pointy cowlick will be waiting for me when I get home.

So here goes nothing, right? I can do this. I can. I can. 

Single Moms

       I believe in fate. I believe that from the moment God created us He knew exactly what paths we would take. That being said, I know with certainty, that God did not make me a single mom for a reason-I am not strong enough to survive it. One week after my dreaded return to work, Justin left for a business trip to NYC. In the middle of a bathroom renovation, Hannah deciding sleep was for the birds, working 12 hour days, and poor cable service- I was alone. I had a 4am wake up call and a bedtime that provided me with an unsafe amount of sleep. I think I went three consecutive meals without eating and completely forgot that water is a necessity until I got a little lightheaded. I forgot my cell phone at home and left my pump at work. I cried and Hannah laughed at me. I called Justin, but he was enjoying unlimited cocktails with "colleagues" in a loud bar and couldn't hear me. Morale of the story- I did not like it one single bit. A huge shot out to all the single moms out there- you deserve you're own special week of gifts and attention. This stuff is no joke. And a shot out to my lovely husband (he doesn't read my blog anyway) I'm sorry if I've ever taken you for granted. You're amazing. 

A Little More Special

      Most recently, I attended the funeral of a young woman who left behind two small child. The loss of this particular woman was felt nationwide. She was loved-- there is nothing I have ever been so sure about. I am also certain she loved like no other. As one of her friends spoke, she said "She always made things just a little more special".  Those words clung to me.   That's exactly the kind of mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, and stranger I want to be. Someone who makes things just a little more special. I want to make sure people know how much I care, how much I would give up for them, and how much they mean to me.
    My promise from this day on is to do just this. Go the extra mile, take the extra minute, pay it forward, and ask nothing in return.

Worth a Thousand Words

Years from now, this picture will still be in its original frame. I imagine it will be the last thing Hannah packs before leaving for college and the first thing she unpacks as soon as she arrives at her dorm. It will be one of the first things that comes to mind when asked "When your houses catches on fire, what will you grab?" Its a picture that illustrates the love of family and the strength of God. 

      

Summertime

     For the last several years, my family has been huge supporters of the Broad Ripple Farmer's market. We meet there on Saturday mornings, walk the strip a few times, buy a few things, try the samples, and then hit Biscuits for breakfast. It is one of my favorite summertime traditions-second only to Symphony on the Prairie.
      A few weeks ago, no one was able to meet me in Broad Ripple so Hannah and I decided to stay a little closer to home and check out the Fishers' Farmer Market. It.was.heaven. With a band playing on the stage and the smell of fresh waffles filling the air, it's hard not to fall in love immediately. From homemade pies, to flowers, to fresh egg rolls, this is a place you have to check out. Here are the vendors I've learned not to pass up so far:
Mathoo's Egg Rolls- holy heaven. Up until a few weeks ago, I could have gone my entire life with eating an egg roll, but these changed the game. 

Nutty by Nature Granola- specifically the White Chocolate Cranberry. It's packed with pecans, cashews, and all sorts of Nutty goodness. And the husband and wife team are about as sweet as they come.

Pete's Pastries- I've only sampled these because I've been cursed with a metabolism that moves at about the same speed as molasses during the polar vortex, but the tiny morsel assured me these are going to be worth the splurge one day.


Not to mention the endless produce vendors. Last night I made a simple caprese salad with fresh tomatoes and basil I bought from the market. Justin kept asking what I did to make it taste so much better than usual. I didn't do anything, but the local farmers did. And who doesn't love the opportunity to support local business. Look for me if go, but don't judge me if you see me. Sweat pants and last night's mascara are my staples these days. 

"What's for Dinner?"

      If you know my husband at all, you know that food is a very,  very serious topic for him. On vacations, he prints off the menus to all the restaurants we plan to eat at before we even leave so that we can review them together en route. At the hospital tour we took before having Hannah, he didn't ask about visiting hours or security policies, he asked for the menu. Setting the weekly menu has become one of my least favorite things to do. As I'm sure it is with any family, finding a good dinner that's both easy and healthy is difficult. So when I find something good, I feel it's my obligation to share. www.thepioneerwomancooks.com is one of my favorite blog sites for recipes. The recipes are easy, ingredients are easy to find, and the meals are full of flavor. Here's what Justin calls one of his favorite salads ever. 

Chicken Taco Salad from The Pioneer Woman
(with a few Colleen adaptations ie-shortcuts)

Ingredients

•  FOR THE DRESSING:

• 3/4 cups Ranch Dressing (bottled Is Fine, but JG and I are big fans of making our own. So easy and sooo much better)

• 1/4 cup Salsa (as Spicy As You'd Like)

• 3 Tablespoons Finely Minced Cilantro

    

 I put all these in food processor together to get them less chucky and more "dressing like" 

•  SALAD:

• 2 whole Boneless, Skinless Chicken Breasts seasoned with taco seasoning and grilled or sauteed
• 1 head Green Leaf Lettuce or Romain or whatever you would like, Shredded Thin
• 3 whole Roma Tomatoes, Diced
• 1/2 cup Grated Pepper Jack Cheese
• 2 ears Corn, Shucked and cut of the cobb. (You can cook or grill this, but I love raw corn in salads)
• 2 whole Avocados, Diced
• 3 whole Green Onions, Sliced
• 1/2 cup Cilantro Leaves
•  Tortilla Chips Of Your Choice (flavored Or Not), Crushed Slightly

Preparation Instructions

To assemble the salad, pile shredded lettuce, chicken, tomatoes, cheese, corn, avocado, green onion, cilantro, and crushed chips on a big platter. Drizzle the dressing all over the top, serving part on the side if you'd like.

"I Studied"

     About a week after Hannah was born, Justin went back to work. While we missed him terribly, it was sort of nice to get into our groove, just her and I. Somedays are jammed packed with errands, lunch dates, and craft projects. Others, like today, are simple--endless cups of coffee and a marathon of trashy television. However, one thing is consistent. Every day Justin calls to check on her and asks what we're doing today. I typically answer with something along the lines of grocery shopping or cleaning, but what I really spend most of my days doing is studying. I study every feature of my tiny beauty. I know the small stork bite she has on her lower back and that her second toe is longer than her big one (a trait she inherited from her father). I know she has two eyelashes on her left eye that are significantly longer than the others. I know she loves to have her hair brushed (a trait she most certainly inherited from me).  I know her cries. The loud screeching one when her tongue curls is her hungry cry and the soft whimper means she just wants attention. I'm learning her smile is perfectly symmetrical with pointy corners.  I spend my days studying all the tiny features that make her uniquely her and all the ways she is uniquely mine. Hannah Catherine, when you read this someday, I want you to know this has been the best summer of my life. Spending everyday with you, there is no place I would rather be, ever, in this entire world. 

Couldn't Have Said it Better

    If you don't already follow my sister's blog, you should. She has a way with words that makes you feel like you're sitting on the couch drinking coffee with her and not across the city (or world, in some cases). She's eloquent and well spoken, but tells it like it is. So you can imagine my excitement when she took it upon herself to chronicle the story of my daughter's arrival. I know there is absolutely no way I could say it better, so I've decided to use a guest blogger for this portion. It was the most wonderful time in my life. It was also filled with emotions, sleep deprivation, and hormones. I know my own recall could never come close to this, even in the most clear of minds. Thank you, Catie, for this. It will always be one of my most treasured gifts of all. 
Monday, May 19, 2014

I'm not even sure how to title this post, as the person about whom I am writing, I have not even met.  But I will soon.

As I type this, I am sitting in my little sister's labor room.  She's 10cm dilated, 100% effaced, and a +1 station.  In laymen terms, she is pretty close to pushing.

I cannot begin to relay my excitement.  I worry that I'll overstep my boundaries and forget all sense (because I do that.) But my little sister, one of my favorite people on the earth, is about to embark on my favorite journey.  My favorite job. What makes this even better is that she's going to be wonderful at it. It may become her favorite, too.

Dear Future Niece or Nephew,

I cannot begin to tell you how excited your family is to have you.  Beyond just your parents, your grandparents, your aunts, uncles, even pseudo family members have been checking in all day to check on you.  You are loved beyond measure.  (I shouldn't have to tell you this, but you should know that I'm your favorite. Already. Let's just lay that groundwork early.)

You are so lucky! Your parents have been wanting to meet you for longer than you have even existed.  Your room has been carefully prepared, your clothes washed, and I know for certain, without her telling me, that your mom has already snuck into your room late at night and tried to picture what you'll look like in the crib and what she'll look like holding you in the rocker.  

Your life is going to be good.  It already is.  And I speak for everyone you know and who love you when I say get here soon! We can't wait to meet you! 

Godspeed, little angel.

Love,

Aunt Catie

Your Favorite

5.19.14, 1641

I've moved to the waiting room and Colleen is pushing.  In no time at all, she's going to be a Mom (and Justin, of course, will be a Dad.) The reality of how quickly life is about to change for them is almost too much to handle! How did I miss this at the time I was having my own children? Ugh, hindsight. 

Colleen has been a champ.  She looks beautiful, is cheerful, talkative, winces every few minutes and keeps on chatting.  Typical Colleen. Justin could not be more relaxed...at least, outwardly.  

My mom is on her way! I can't wait to have some company here in the waiting room! (There are lots of people sitting nearby, but they are watching Daniel Tiger on a Mac and I can't hear, "Groooooooown-ups cooooome baaaaaaaack" one more time. I just can't.  Where are my ear buds?) Every single time the elevator dings, I risk giving myself whiplash trying to see who is about to get off.  

This is amazing.  It's a really, really good day. One of the best.

This story will be continued...

May 19, 2014: 1743

Loving God, hold the hands of Colleen now and keep her safe; put Your own Spirit into her very breathing
 and into the new baby, for whom we wait with awe and hope.  We ask you this through Christ Our Lord.

Amen.

Hannah Catherine

Hannah Catherine Groves made her appearance on May 19th, 2014 at 1742, or 5:42pm.

She is magical.

Here is how it went down:

I was quite literally driving myself crazy in the waiting room.  Every breath I took was a prayer for "the baby." Please, God, make the delivery easy.  Please be good to Colleen.  Please be with Justin.  Please help the baby transition.  Make her ("it," at that time) breathe.  Please, please, please.

And then it was time for the thank-yous.

Justin came walking slowly down the hallway.  If you know Justin, you know how big his smile is, and this was
the biggest it has ever been.  His eyes were sparkling.  We hugged hard  as he said, "It was so awesome.
Come on back."

The walk down the hallways was a mile long.  By that, I mean about 35 feet.  But it felt all of a mile, and then
there was Colleen, dazed, smiling...with a baby in her arms--a beautiful baby with a head full of fuzzy
strawberry hair and a teeny nose and a pretty little heart-shaped mouth.  "I'm a girl baby," Colleen said softly,
 "my name is Hannah.  Hannah Catherine." My heart exploded.

Have you ever seen a perfect baby? Of course you have.  They are all perfect.  Each one of them.  Including
 this one:

Welcome to the world, sweetest Hannah.  We have been waiting so long for you! I have so
 many things to tell you, to show you, to laugh with you about, but all in good time.  For now, we'll
 all love you and love your parents and watch as they make you a great, hopeful, beautiful life. 
 Happy Birthday, little girl.  The world is so happy to have you! 

(PS-I'm still your favorite.)

There's Something I Need to Tell You

       People always ask how you found out you were pregnant. Everyone has some hysteria, which soon turns to comedy, to share. Mine was no different. I had taken a test and left before the result. "They're always negative", I thought, "why stick around?" So I made dinner, poured myself a glass of wine, and caught up on the news with my husband. Eventually, I went to the bathroom and remembered the test. To my surprise, I saw two very distinct lines, but I still wasn't sold. I chugged a couple bottle of waters and tested again- it was negative. So I went on with my night.  Around 3am, I woke up remembering back from nursing school, that water can dilute the sample resulting in a false negative. I also remembered that false positives are very, very rare. So I took one more test and there they were again- two lines. I took 14 more tests and everyone of them had the same result. I knew I wanted to tell JG with some element of creativity, so I opted to wait until after he got home from work that evening. I waited fifteen hours to tell Justin, fifteen long hours, but his face was well worth it.

      As soon as the mall opened, I drove to Von Maur and picked out a little sleeper. I had it wrapped it in a very masculine plaid paper, but not before I slipped this into the box 

JG got home from work that day as I was making dinner. He saw the box on the counter and asked what it was. I told him I knew he'd been working hard, it was just a small something to say "thank you". In true "Justin form" he had to shake the box to guess what was in it before opening it. "Am I going to like it?" He asked. "Is this going to be the best gift ever" My face stayed calm, but my heart was racing. " I have a feeling you are going to LOVE this. You fool, just open the box," I thought. And when he finally did, the face I saw was a face I wish I could have frozen in time. Disbelief, followed by tears and sheer love. It was magical.  We sipped on this, caught our breath, and wiped away our tears, and then we began to think of the ways  we would tell the rest of our family. 

Here are some of the ways we came up with:

My mom had been saying Novenas for weeks.  (A prayer of Catholic devotion when asking for something very specific)

And we all know my father was "Google" before there was "Google"

We flew to Minneapolis to surprise my brother-in-law for his 30th birthday and then we surprised him with this:

And this was the final pregnancy announcement that went out:

 Note: when texting your husband about how you'd like to tell your sister, and one of your most favorite people, check the  "To:" section first. Nothing ruins the surprise of telling your sister you're pregnant quite like a mis-text. I may never live it down, but at least she was a good sport.

"Stick with me, my friends, there are brighter days ahead. This much I know to be true."

   It seems very fitting that these were my last blog words almost a year ago to the day. Looking back on that blog post, I remember wanting to believe so desperately the words I typed. I wanted to believe that there were, in fact, bright days ahead, but I wasn't so sure. But today is a good day, in fact every day since September 11 have been really good days. September 11 was the best of days. Unfortunately, it fell on one of the worst days for our country, but that day in the Groves' house God graced us with the news our greatest blessing. September 11, 2013 was the day we saw two lines.
     I didn't always know I wanted to be a nurse, but what I did know was that I always wanted to be a mom. I wanted a house full of children. I wanted a life surrounded in the chaos of sticky fingers and smudged windows. But what I didn't know was that it was a lot harder than my sex ed teacher made it sound years ago. I didn't know it would involve taking my temperature every morning before even moving a muscle, or collecting a urine sample at the same time every day to test for ovulation. I also didn't know it would involve blood tests, ultrasounds, and multiple doctor's appointments, but it did. It was 6 days before our first appointment with one of the city's best fertility doctors and 3 weeks after my doctor had called me at 10:30 at night from his home to tell me "something's not right". We had just closed one chapter of our journey to parenting and we were ready to start the next. With all the emotions stirring inside me, I realized something was missing and it was the something I had been hoping I'd miss since the moment I said "I do".
 I was pregnant. 

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Whew. You know you've been absent from the blogging world when you forget how to log in. I'd like to say that the absence is because of wonderful and thrilling things going on, but anyone who knows me knows that is not the case. Truth is, when I started this blog I promised myself I would only write about the positive.  Staying true to the "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't blog at all", I took a step aside. Don't get me wrong, my life is a beautiful life and one I will never ever take for granted. But sometimes things don't always go as planned. These past few months have been just that. In the midst of turmoil at my job, a super packed-summer, the knock-down-drag-out pure state of exhaustion I've been living in and the realization that God's plans will always trump ours, its been hard. But thanks to some really wonderful people in our lives, we'll make it through. Stick with me my friends, there are brighter days ahead. This much I know to be true. 

There's No Place Like Home

  It's true when they say there's no place like home. I love the home I share with my husband. I love having a kitchen full of equipment and a bed I once only dreamed of, but there will always be a part of me that calls my parents' house "home". I lived there for 22 years and returned home for a short (or not so short) period of time before JG and I were engaged just a few years ago. It's one of the few places I feel like myself. A place I can go to regroup, cry if I need to, and say things only parents understand. If you have ever met my parents you know that any amount of kindness I put forth is a direct result their teaching.
   I know they say the older you get, the more you appreciate your family, but it takes on a whole new level at a certain stage of your life. Over the years, I've watched my parents transition from our bosses,to our supervisors, and now to our friends. They were, and still are, wonderful parents to all of us. (And I'm fairly certain my husband would say they are remarkable in-laws) They were strict, set their expectations high and their tolerances low, but they taught us to be the people we are. They taught us to be individuals who are kind to strangers, generous to causes they believe in, family oriented, and most importantly, guided in faith.
   I got to thinking about how fortunate I am the other night on the way home from their house. JG was gone to the Pacer's game and I opted for a quick visit. A "quick visit" turned into 4+ hours, dinner, and a bottle of wine and I could have stayed longer. We talked about healthcare, the demise of our country, the Jodi something or another murder trial, home decor, and pizza pies and it was wonderful. It's strange how the people you once took for granted, become the people you look for to center and re-focus you in times a need. These are my parents. They are lovely, kind, beautiful, and brilliant.

It Started With a List

Several years ago after a slew of disappointing dates, my sister and I (and a couple bottles of wine) came up with a list of things we would like to see in our perfect match. At this point, I had spent most of career in the service industry, hence why there are several mentions of food or drink, but I have a theory you can tell a lot about a man by what he eats and drinks. Anyhow, back to this list. Without sounding shallow  (I promise you I'm not), here is what I can remember: 

My perfect match:

• Knows how to drive a stick shift
• Doesn't take longer to get ready than me
• Doesn't drink out of a straw (to-go cups are the exception)
• Drinks a "Manly" Drink ( If his favorite drink is a chocolate martini, by all means, but if I'm drinking scotch on the rocks, he better be able to choke down something a little stronger)
• Knows how to order a steak
• Tips well
• Loves his family
• Is nice to strangers
• Keeps his word  (if he says "I'll call you tomorrow" that doesn't mean 4 days later)

     I give you this list only to introduce you to my life. For years, I was known as the girl with the worst dating luck. From being set up with a registered sexual offender to catching a glimpse of an ankle bracelet during a date (two separate individuals, mind you) I had terrible luck with dates. When I was 24, my roommate asked to introduce me to one of her high school friends. Always hesitant, I expected something along the lines of "Oh, no. Really, that's okay" to come out of my mouth, but for whatever reason "Really?! Yeah, that'd be great!" was what I heard myself say. I can't explain why, but I'm a firm believer that all things happen for reason so I went for it.

       From the moment I met JG, it was clear he was loved. He lit the room up with personality and optimism. He was everyone's friend and the life of the party. After our first date I realized he was also just my kind of guy. He drove a stick, was well dressed but timely, pulled the straw out of a glass during dinner, drank whiskey, talked highly of his family,  tipped well and called me the next day...and the next day...and the next day.   We ended things after a few months due only to conflicting schedules, but always stayed in touch.(I was in nursing school full time and bartending nights so my schedule wasn't exactly conducive to a whirlwind romance)

       Fast forward a few years later, I was at an IRL race with the less-than-stellar guy I was dating at the time and but I was texting JG  and wishing he was there. I came home from that trip, ended things with this less-than-stellar man and met JG for a drink later that week. Turns out, he had also just ended things with a less-than-stellar girl.  And still true to his word, he called me the next day...and the next day...and everyday since for the last four years. 

    As I type this, I'm sitting across from JG in our home. I share his last name now and most importantly of all, we share a future.  I am an expert of nothing.  Just a girl in my thirties, learning to juggle the demands of an exhausting job, the life of a newlywed, and the extended family of a devote Irish Catholic. I am quick-witted and sharp-tongued, but my heart is big and my intentions are good. This is our story and a chronicle of our life if you will.